


Never Leave

by felisblanco



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-21
Updated: 2004-09-21
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: Angel pays a visit to an old friend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the Spike/Angel ficathon.
> 
> Beta'd by [](http://evilmaniclaugh.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://evilmaniclaugh.livejournal.com/)**evilmaniclaugh**. Thanks, babe

Lyrics

You left me stranded here  
Abandoned and alone  
With silly memories of things  
I've never known  
So when the mystery  
Is starting to grow old  
Another dream goes by  
Like ashes out of gold

~Hail Mary by Skold

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was hell.”

He doesn’t know why he keeps talking to him. There won’t be an answer. Not today, not tomorrow, not for eternity. But he can’t stop. After all that’s what they do, right? Did. That’s what they did. Talk and fight and bicker like an old couple. From the first time they met until the last time he looked into his eyes. He misses those the most. Spike’s eyes. They were the bluest colour you can imagine, the colour of the sky when the rain clouds parted and the sun came out again. Or the blue Mediterranean ocean. Always loved that colour.

“I have a new apartment now. One without cockroaches and rats. Kinda miss their company though.”

Oh yeah, that’s what his life has been reduced to, longing for the company of vermin. Anything beats being alone. Funny, you’d think with all the practice he’s had he’d be used to it by now. Being all alone with no one to talk to. No one to smile at him or touch him or ask him what’s on TV. No one to fight over the remote with, no one to hold during the night. No one to kiss. To love. To share eternity with.

“Heard from Dawn yesterday. Nothing new. She misses you.”

Once upon a time a lonely woman crying would have made him smile. Not sit down and weep after barely holding up long enough to say his goodbyes. Weep lonely angry tears. What right has she to cry? What right has any of them to cry?

“ _I_ miss you.”

Oh God, does he miss him. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Not that he ever expected anything beyond The Battle. But they had survived, saving the world once again, making it safe for children and puppies. Well, as safe as it can be. Not like they’re Gods. Not really.

“You really are a bastard, you know that? Leaving me like this. I wish…”

What _does_ he wish for, besides having him at his side again? That he had been the one? That they had at least gotten more time together? That he had used better the short time they’d been given?

Now there’s a joke. Given. Time had already been theirs. Eternal time. Time that _they_ had taken, ripped away with such incredible cruelty that it left him cold and empty and so bereft of hope that the simple act of getting out of bed sometimes seemed too much to handle.

“I wish you were here, really here. That you were standing in front of me, right now. Tilting your head the way you know drives me crazy, that smirk on your lips as you tell me to ‘Stop brooding. Lets shag’.”

And then they would. Every time. Didn’t matter where they were or how far into the depression he was at the time. Never could resist that boy. After all these years, after all that has happened, he still thinks of him as his boy. His beautiful boy. The images of young William the poet, William the Bloody, killer of Slayers and Spike the champion, all run together into one. Will. His lover, his life, his one constant in the turmoil of insanity. Blinking he brings up his hand and wipes his eyes.

“Oh great. Now you have me crying too. Some vampire I am.”

He can almost see the warm smile, feel the hand sneaking into his, giving it a light squeeze. Hear him mutter ‘Come here, you big poof’ before the soft lips press against his. Shutting his eyes he swallows the lump in his throat.

“I know I’m supposed to move on, get on with my life, fight the good fight. I’m just so tired, Will. So fucking tired.”

It would be so easy to just lie down and wait till sunrise. Not exactly a graceful death but at least then it would finally be over. No more loneliness, no more pain, no more memories.

Some memories though, they deserve to be kept. In too few years the others will wither and die and he has this fear that when there is no one left to remember, that is when Spike will finally be gone. Better then to keep on going, alone, because that way _he_ is still here, laughing and cursing and kicking ass, if only in Angel’s mind.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to whine. But as usual that’s exactly what I end up doing. Guess you’re just a good listener, mainly because you can’t tell me to shut up.”

That would have earned him a punch in the arm and a ‘Wanker’. Funny how much you can miss being laughed at, disrespected and on the whole made a fool of on a regular basis.

“I have to go now. Are the nights really getting shorter every year or is it just me?”

The fading moon seems to laugh in his face. ‘Your time is up, buddy. Time to crawl back into your dank apartment, cover the windows and curl up in bed, crying yourself to sleep one more time.’

“I’ll come back next week. Maybe sooner. Just something about this place that sooths me, keeps the demon quiet.”

He turns away, closing his eyes for a second. Takes a few steps, then turns back and plants a tender kiss on the shrivelled old man’s lips.

His boy, always his boy.

Fin


End file.
